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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "However deep our theoretical commitment to \nserenity, in the course of an average day,  "
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    "dDurationMs": 3120,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "we are likely to encounter a number of extremely  "
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    "dDurationMs": 4560,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "well-crafted invitations \nto lose our tempers badly."
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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "Our partner will press a well-flagged \nnuclear button related, let’s imagine,  "
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    "tStartMs": 20480,
    "dDurationMs": 5280,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "to their views on our mother or our career choice. \nAt work, a colleague may deliberately not answer  "
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  }, {
    "tStartMs": 25760,
    "dDurationMs": 6160,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "a very simple question to which we urgently need \nan answer. A shop attendant may give us a bored,  "
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  }, {
    "tStartMs": 31920,
    "dDurationMs": 5760,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "insolent shrug. Someone in the supermarket may \nfalsely accuse us of standing in the wrong line."
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    "dDurationMs": 5920,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "What we are apt to miss at such moments of blatant \nprovocation, as we get swallowed up in fears of  "
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    "tStartMs": 43600,
    "dDurationMs": 7600,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "humiliation, illogicality and injustice, is just \nhow much many people enjoy having arguments,  "
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    "tStartMs": 51200,
    "dDurationMs": 5680,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "indeed crave them in order to refind their \nequilibrium and appease their psychic  "
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    "tStartMs": 56880,
    "dDurationMs": 6160,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "discomforts. We are tricked into imagining that \nthere may be genuine issues that require our  "
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    "dDurationMs": 7120,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "wholehearted engagement but thereby lose sight \nof the true psychological motivations at play.  "
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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "A person is trying to get us into a fight not \nbecause they have a sincere complaint against  "
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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "us but because they are feeling overwhelmed \nby the intensity of their own aggression,  "
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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "which they hope to placate by spoiling a portion \nof our lives. By goading us into a battle,  "
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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "they are looking for a way to evacuate their \nfury into us, to use us as a receptacle for  "
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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "their emotional waste, to employ a skirmish \nwith us to distract themselves from their own  "
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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "intractable conflicts and muted sorrows, \nto seduce us into joining them in their  "
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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "sadness and entanglements, so that they \nmight feel less alone and less bereft."
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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "We should resist such enthusiastic and subtly \ncrafted invitations by recognising them for  "
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    "dDurationMs": 6720,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "what they are: attempts by the other party to \nrescue themselves from unbearable feelings.  "
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    "dDurationMs": 4720,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "We might - if we are exceptionally \ngenerous - pity them for their despair;  "
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    "dDurationMs": 5200,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "we don’t in any way need to join \nthem in their gladiatorial quests."
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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "What may at times provoke us to a particular \npitch of excitement is a puzzlement as to why  "
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  }, {
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    "dDurationMs": 6320,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "others are behaving as they are: why on earth - we \nwonder in a strangled way - have they once again  "
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  }, {
    "tStartMs": 148720,
    "dDurationMs": 4800,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "mentioned something we implored them to leave \nalone, why are they being almost deliberately  "
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  }, {
    "tStartMs": 153520,
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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "slow or rude or surly, why is someone who should \nbe kind and thoughtful suddenly so off-hand and  "
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  }, {
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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "cruel. It’s our wide-eyed quest for sensible \nanswers that ends up fanning our upheaval. We  "
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  }, {
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    "dDurationMs": 961,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "should answer our bafflement with far greater \nsimplicity and therapeutic rigour. There aren’t  "
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  }, {
    "tStartMs": 162320,
    "dDurationMs": 6480,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "any good reasons for the discord. It’s just \nthat our interlocutor is in a very bad way and  "
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  }, {
    "tStartMs": 168800,
    "dDurationMs": 6560,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "has concluded - not incorrectly alas - that they \nmay well feel significantly better once we have  "
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  }, {
    "tStartMs": 175360,
    "dDurationMs": 6560,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "started to raise our voice, redden and call them \nhorrible names we’ll later regret with intensity."
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  }, {
    "tStartMs": 181920,
    "dDurationMs": 5360,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "We should work out the clever game and \nrefuse to play any further rounds of it;  "
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  }, {
    "tStartMs": 187280,
    "dDurationMs": 4960,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "whether the invitee is our spouse, a \nstranger, our child or a colleague.  "
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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "We’re not being kind by leaving them to it, \nwe’re not being pacific or eerily grown up.  "
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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "It’s just there is so much else that needs our \nattention: we have to hold on to our thoughts,  "
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  }, {
    "tStartMs": 203840,
    "dDurationMs": 6000,
    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "repair our wounds, appease our turmoils \nand discover our own routes to happiness.  "
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    "segs": [ {
      "utf8": "We must sidestep the many dragnets because we have \nso many other, truly more important things to do."
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